Because Tolkien’s been in the zeitgeist lately, here’s another hot take:
There is no chance the Lord of the Rings film trilogy could be made in 2018.
Yes, I’m eating crow about the Peter Jackson-directed movies, which should make H.P. happy. But as my son has been into all things Hobbit-related for a few weeks and the Andy Duncan thing happened to coincide with this, we naturally eventually started to watch the movies, which I hadn’t seen since around 2005.
And damn. Just damn. I got emotional during The Fellowship of the Ring.
My misgivings aside, such as Gimli being turned into comic-relief and the absence of the Barrow Downs adventure, Peter Jackson nailed the essence of Tolkien.
And that’s why I’m thankful the movies were filmed in the late-90s and early-00s. Not only because the technology caught up to Jackson’s vision (the movie is still utterly breathtaking nearly 20 years later), but because the SJW cancer hadn’t yet infested every last corner of the filmmaking industry.
Let’s first look at what the movies have that are problematic in 2018:
- Strong, competent male characters who express masculine virtues like honor, courage in the face of death, and self-sacrifice.
- An absolute morality that divides the world into good and evil.
- Sauron is 100 percent portrayed as a stand-in for Satan.
- Orcs are unambiguously evil.
Now let’s look at what the stories don’t have:
- No strong wahmen kicking men’s arses and saving the day against the Uruk-Hai.
- No strong wahmen putting feeble men in their place.
- No non-white main characters.
- No gay characters.
- No gay romance.
- No trans characters.
- No underlying subtext about the folly of religion, nationalism, or absolute morality.
- No moral ambiguity.
- No grandstanding virtue signaling that shoehorns contemporary leftist political ideology into a fantasy adventure story.
In short, The Lord of the Rings would gargle monkey balls if it were made today. They’d hire some malicious clown like Rian Johnson or some pedophile like James Gunn to write it, and it’d be a big, inverted middle finger to fans of Tolkien’s masterpiece.
Andy Duncan would love it.
And so let’s thank the Lord that these movies were made when they were made and by whom they were made.
Peter Jackson, I’ve had issues with your adaptation of The Lord of the Rings in the last, but now I realize you were the right man for the job at the right time. I recant everything negative I’ve said about these films, and I salute you, ya fuzzy little Kiwi.